Life is not always easy and we are often stressed-out because we have too many things to do and not enough time to do them. Sometimes it's the little things in life that can put a smile on our faces and make life seem a little bit easier.
Be Good to Yourself
If you want to be happier, start with being good to yourself and by treating yourself right. After all, if you don’t take care of yourself, how can you expect anyone else to? Some suggestions are:
- Stop blaming yourself for other people’s actions.
- Forgive your weaknesses by accepting the fact that you are human and not perfect because no one is. Protect yourself by staying away from toxic people
- Make the commitment to do one nice thing for yourself every day. For example:
- Take a long bath
- Eat a piece of delicious Gianduja chocolate
- Watch a funny movie
- Spend some time with a friend who makes you happy
- Listen to music that you love
- Don’t try to control other peoples’ lives.
Change Your Perspective
Most people think they are the victim of their thoughts and feelings. When we are children we adopt our parents’ way of thinking and accept their labels of us. These thoughts, judgments and accompanying feelings are so familiar to us that we think they are the truth. Realizing that as adults we have the freedom to change our perspective can be enlightening and bring happiness where there is none.
There are books which can help us navigate out of those familiar thoughts and feelings, such as Notes to Myself by Hugh Prather. If it is too difficult to break through toxic thinking on your own therapy, can help immensely. Make sure you get a therapist that specializes in cognitive thinking. A therapist that believes that going back to the past to get understanding will help you, will not be able to give you the cognitive skills to handle your present-day life. Choose your online counseling carefully.
Self-Pity
We can’t choose what happens to us but we can choose what we do with what happens to us. Self-pity is one of the most dangerous thought process and feelings there are. Itleads to mental illness because it keeps us so focused on ourselves that we are unable to look away from ourselves in any way. It keeps us focusing on the negative rather than making an effort to change the things we can change.
When you are invested in self-pity it keeps you comparing yourself to someone you think has it better than you. If you are jealous of a friend’s good marriage and somebody points out that they have gone through counseling together, rather than doing the same, you will find somebody else to compare yourself to. You will feel justified in being angry over the unfairness of life while ignoring the hard work others do to compensate for the unfairness of life. You get caught in a cycle of wanting what other people have but not making the effort to get it for yourself. You resent people for being luckier than you. Self-pity keeps you steeped in self-hatred, passivity, and depression, all leading to a life of misery.
Gratitude
A five-minute daily gratitude journal can increase your long-term well-being by more than ten percent. Gratitude can help us see our situation in a way that can lessen fear and open up our thinking to new situations.
Gratitude is not something we do automatically. Like any other life skill, it requires practice. Dr. Robert Emmons, author of “Thanks! How practicing gratitude Can Make You Happier” shares the three benefits of practicing gratitude.
“Gratitude puts situations into perspective. When we can see the good as well as the bad, it becomes more difficult to complain and stay stuck.”
“Gratitude helps us realize what we have. The awareness of what we’re grateful for can lessen our tendency to want more all the time.”
“Gratitude makes us happier. Gratitude strengthens relationships, improves health, reduces stress and in general makes us happier.”
Unfortunately, many people are so used to the misery that they feel more comfortable in that state. They are comfortable hating themselves and seeing the negative in everything and happiness feels so unfamiliar to them. If you are ready to choose happiness over misery, try practicing the steps above. You will be so glad you did!
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